Communicating your ideas, points of view and requests to others is something w
Whether it’s negotiating a deal, enrolling a new client, or settling an argument between two hormonal adolescents, being able to communicate effectively and being understood is crucial not just to your success, but to your peace of mind and well-being too.
One very overlooked tool in your communication and leadership toolkit is…
….. silence.
Not overtalking. Not explaining your perspective from a zillion different angles.
Silence is…………. the pause. Silence creates a…….. gap.
Silence is the blank space between the words that sparks true understanding and insight.
But silence freaks a lot of us out.
If you’re a leader that’s not speaking, maybe your team will think you don’t have the answers or know what you’re doing. If you’re in relationship, your partner may think you’re holding back and not committed. When you’re uncomfortable or uncertain, your nervous energy can rev up because the silence feels deafening at times. Rather than be in the discomfort of silence, people often anxiously try to fill that space with comments, jokes or questions.
In my experience working with clients in many different contexts over the years, whether consulting on strategic direction or creativity or supporting an individual through deep transformational processes, there is something magical about the power of silence.
When used with intention and purpose, silence is a communication superpower.
In a world where we are barraged 24/7 by information, input and demands on our focus and energy, silence is a refreshing change of pace. Here are 3 reasons why I consider silence to be a communication superpower every leader should use.
Silence Lets Your Words Land
When you have something important to say, give it the time and the space to fully land to the people you’re actually speaking to so they can fully absorb it. Communication isn’t just about the vocabulary we use or the ideas we share, but the energy we transmit and how our messages resonate with others.
Have you ever been at a restaurant enjoying a great meal, and the waiter tries to take your plate before you’ve finished that last delectable bite? It’s annoying and the response is, “Wait, I wasn’t done with that yet!” It’s the same experience when you motor on to make your next point while your listener was still absorbing and digesting the first point.
Speak AND create space for silence. When you let your words fully land with others, you’ll find you have less talking to do because your silence creates a space for more understanding and connection in the conversation.
Silence Helps You “Speak With” instead of “Talk At”
Successful conversation is about an energetic exchange between the people in the dialogue. If you’re doing all the talking and there’s little silence, it becomes less of a conversation and more of a lecture. To get buy-in, cooperation and engagement, you need to speak with others, not talk at them.
When you employ silence as part of your communication, you create space for the others to offer their views and responses. When there is a healthy give-and-take of perspectives, the silence helps discover where there are breakthrough ideas or unexpected synergies or where more clarity or agreement is needed.
Silence Supports Better Pacing
When you have something really important to say, chances are you’ve been thinking about it for a while or you have so much experience that your point seems super clear and obvious. At least it does to you.
But your listener may not have given it any thought at all. Or have limited experience to provide a context for your brilliant idea.
Successful conversation requires you to have great pacing. You need to meet people where they are. To give a metaphor, if you were a runner, you’ve been training and practicing and know how to pace yourself properly. But your listener didn’t even know there was a race to run. They are still looking for their running shoes while you’re standing there sweating saying “C’mon, we need to go here now!”
Meet people where they are. Silence helps everyone in the conversation play catch up as needed and run the race together.
Step into Your Brilliance
On a scale of 1-10, assess your level of comfort with silence as part of your communication style, with 10 being “I’m extremely comfortable and don’t squirm when no one is speaking” and a 1 being “I feel extremely uncomfortable and awkward with silence and want to slink out of the conversation.” This week, see how you can play with creating more silence in your conversations. Even if you’re already proficient at leaving space for silence, see if you can create more pauses or slow down your delivery. Wherever you are on the scale, stretch your comfort zone to bring more silence into your communications and see what happens!
