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Surf’s Up! Are You Ready?
Excerpt from Lead Conversations that Count: How Busy Managers Run Great Meetings
(Rowntree Press, 2021)
During the early days of the pandemic, when my hometown was in full lockdown, taking my dog for a long walk along the shores of Lake Ontario was a sanity-saving necessity. One particularly windy and snowy day, I saw about a dozen surfers braving the frigid waters. Astonished, I was comforted to see they were in full wetsuits and safety gear. As much as I feared they would be tossed about like helpless corks and succumb to hypothermia – they weren’t. Despite the sub-zero temperatures, the snow driving into their faces, and the grey skies and icy shores surrounding them, they looked like they were having the time of their lives.
One particular surfer caught my eye. He paddled out on his board, cutting through the oncoming waves, to the spot where he’d chosen to wait for the Big One he was looking to ride to shore. Waves broke continuously over him, but he shook them off and continued to paddle forward. Arriving at his spot, he used his arms to hover and maintain his position. He was patient, checking over his shoulder to decide whether the next swell would be the right one. He clearly had confidence – even just to be in the lake during this winter storm!
Suddenly, a large wave rose behind him, and the moment came to act. In a split second, he jumped to his feet and took a low crouch position. Arms spread, balance distributed on his board, the wave lifted the surfer and his board as it began to crest. He was up, riding the wave – and then he lost his balance and was tossed unceremoniously into the frigid grey lake. Undaunted, he swam over to his board and headed back out to catch his next wave.
Watching this unfolding scene of sanity-challenging bravery, I thought of the many ways that surfers are a blueprint for leading meetings that create Conversations that Count.
To Calibrate Or Not, That Is the Question
The surfer was a demonstration of calibration in real-time. He was prepared on many levels. First, he had the right equipment – surfboard, wet suit, life vest, and buddies on the water, so he wasn’t surfing alone. Second, he clearly had the right experience – knowing how to read the waves and the wind, picking the best spot to launch based on his knowledge of this particular bay on this specific day.
The third ingredient he demonstrated was an ability to calibrate. The verb “calibrate” derives from the noun “caliber”. It means the quality of someone’s character or the level of their ability and the standard reached. When you calibrate something, you assess its caliber and measure or adjust precisely for a particular function (Merriam-Webster).
For each wave, the surfer was attuned to the needs of the moment. Whether waiting for the next wave or shifting his weight on the board to compensate for a stronger-than-expected surge, he was ready to meet the moment. With strength, stamina, patience and trust, the surfer calibrated to the shifting conditions of his surroundings and his energy reserves, and all while keeping his eye on the big goal – a fun, exhilarating ride into shore. The surfer’s ability to bring all three of the elements together – equipment, experience, calibration to the waves – allowed him to ride his board all the way to shore.
When leading Conversations that Count, you need to be fully calibrated to the group and the purpose of your meeting. The first area that needs attention is your inner landscape. It takes a certain level of self- awareness and humility to pause and assess your internal thoughts, feelings and beliefs. It involves shifting or setting them aside so they don’t become a barrier to being fully present and effective with the people in your conversation.
Your ability to pick up some of the nuances and signals from your group and the ever-changing dynamics that are a normal part of group discussion is compromised. As Rebecca Knight wrote in a Harvard Business Review article, “In every conversation at work, there’s the explicit discussion happening – the words being spoken out loud – and the tacit one. To be successful in most organizations, it’s important to understand the underlying conversations and reactions that people in the room are having.” (Knight, 2018). When Conversation Leaders are not calibrated and tuned in to their own agendas, perspectives and biases, chances are high they will inadvertently throw a meeting off course, undermine psychological safety, and miss the opportunity to get the best from their people.
Take Action
On a scale of 1 to 7, how nimble do you feel at the moment when you are running a meeting, with 1 being “I’m struggling” and 7 being “I feel absolutely confident and energized”? What is one action you could take to help you feel more able to successfully “surf” and manage the dynamics of your meetings?
Write down 2-3 things that can throw you right off balance. It might be someone being argumentative, or people showing up late. Whatever it is, jot it down. Make note of any physical or other signals you get that you’re about to get tossed off your surfboard. It might be you notice that your face feels flush, or your inner critic voice starts to act up. Next to each item, identify one thing you can do in the moment to help you keep your composure.
Resources
Jon Kabat-Zinn, Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life (Hachette Books; 2005)
Carolyn Ellis, Lead Conversations that Count: How Busy Managers Run Great Meetings (Rowntree Press; 2021
Author Information: This is an excerpt from Lead Conversations that Count: How Busy Managers Run Great Meetings by Carolyn Ellis (Rowntree Press, 2021). For more information on the book, please visit www.LeadConversationsThatCount.com. This article may be shared provided the author information is included.
