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Get the Pieces of the Puzzle on the Table
Excerpt from Lead Conversations that Count: How Busy Managers Run Great Meetings
(Rowntree Press, 2021)
While teams are made up of individuals, each member is part of a dynamic, interdependent system. The person you think is missing the point may be suffering from being squeezed out of information flow and work by competitive colleagues trying to edge out a rising young millennial on the team. The person who is so quiet may be preoccupied, having learned that a colleague who will be quitting in two weeks asked them to keep it secret.
Instead of reacting to individuals as they show up in the room, stepping back allows you to pause and reflect on what might be happening at a broader, more systemic level. Zooming out to consider a bigger perspective enables you to notice group dynamics, patterns of behaviour and other signals that can yield important information about the group’s needs.
Conflict or disconnection happens when there is some unexpressed need or perspective in play. If the Conversation Leader responds only to what’s apparent, what’s spoken and seems obvious without digging deeper into the heart of the matter, they will miss an important piece of what is really happening. You don’t want to be like the Captain of the Titanic, paying attention only to what’s above the waterline and oblivious to the scope of dangers below the surface. We all know that decision did not turn out well.
The good news is that you don’t need to develop your extra-sensory perception to figure out why people are upset, uncooperative or disengaged. Understanding group dynamics is a bit like solving a puzzle. Every person brings their unique perspective, or piece, to the puzzle as a whole. Sometimes it may not be obvious how that piece fits in the big picture. But one thing is clear – your puzzle will have holes unless everyone puts their piece on the table.
Take Action
Adopting a mindset of curiosity is so needed when it comes to running great conversations and meetings. You don’t know what you don’t know, so resist the tendency to “fill in the blank” if someone isn’t being clear in their contributions, or if you aren’t getting a response. The next time you get an urge to provide an answer or fill a silence with some kind of statement, pause. Instead, take a deep breath and say “Hmm, it seems like there is something here we need to explore. What else needs to be said at this moment?”
Create a list of 4-6 great powerful questions you can use in a meeting to help an individual or a group dig a bit deeper and go below the superficial level of discussion or analysis. “This sounds important to you. Can you share more about that?” or “What might we be missing or overlooking at this moment?” are two examples.
Resources
Michael Bungay Stanier, The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Page Two Books, 2020)
Will Wise and Chad Littlefield, Ask Powerful Questions: Create Conversations That Matter (Wel, 2017)
Author Information: This is an excerpt from Lead Conversations that Count: How Busy Managers Run Great Meetings by Carolyn Ellis (Rowntree Press, 2021). For more information on the book, please visit www.LeadConversationsThatCount.com. This article may be shared provided the author information is included.
