Conflict or disconnection happens when there is some unexpressed need or perspective in play. If the Conversation Leader responds only to what’s apparent, what’s spoken and seems obvious without digging deeper into the heart of the matter, they will miss an important piece of what is really happening. You don’t want to be like the Captain of the Titanic, paying attention only to what’s above the waterline and oblivious to the scope of dangers below the surface. We all know that decision did not turn out well.

As the Conversation Leader, you set the bar. Your presence creates an ecosystem for participants to work together. If you’ve been a parent, you already know that children will do as you do and not as you say. As a role model for listening, acknowledging, contributing, and questioning, participants will follow your lead, so be mindful of the example you set.

Children are the best teachers for parents when it comes to setting a role model. I was called into nursery school because my youngest son, at the tender age of four, was apparently teaching his classmates how to curse like a sailor.

At one point in my career, I was the Director of Development at a renowned independent school in Toronto. I had three young children and was in the process of a divorce, and we had just launched a major capital campaign at work. There was a lot on my plate, yet I felt I was juggling everything fairly well.

One day while driving to work, I noticed the fuel light was on. “Ah, I can fill up the tank later,” I thought. But as I approached my office, my car started to sputter. I pressed the gas, but the engine wasn’t getting any more power. With a growing sense of anxiety, I recalled that the light had been on the day before – and the day before that too.

The problems organizations now face are challenging. When experiencing rapid change, low or declining engagement rates, and rising uncertainty, we all need our best thinking caps on. Collectively, humanity is facing some existential crises – environmental, political, socioeconomic – that will require innovation, agility and resilience to solve. Old roles, strategies and reporting structures may be obsolete.

One particular surfer caught my eye. He paddled out on his board, cutting through the oncoming waves, to the spot where he’d chosen to wait for the Big One he was looking to ride to shore. Waves broke continuously over him, but he shook them off and continued to paddle forward. Arriving at his spot, he used his arms to hover and maintain his position. He was patient, checking over his shoulder to decide whether the next swell would be the right one. He clearly had confidence – even just to be in the lake during this winter storm!